fly me to the moon.

my kids and i had a lot of traveling last week. we moved from novaliches to santol last december 22 and again from santol to marikina on december 26. now were home.

the place is not that horrible. but is not pleasant either. two-storey with two bedrooms. 1 toilet and bath. 1 small living area and a very small kitchen sink. lots of cockroaches. and 1 noisy dog.

with adobo and a cup of rice for the whole day, i left my kids and my dependable yaya today. i have to report for work and do miracles.

indeed, miracles do happen. to prove- i am in dire need of a gas stove. i somehow mentioned to my officemate-friend that any kind of cooking stove is essential to start a family and i need one.

i slept during the lunch break. had a bananacue at 130pm for lunch. and saw a small gas stove under my chair as i went back to my station. thanks to my generous officemate. she called home and asked her nanay to deliver pronto the gas stove.

the next mystery i have to uncover: with only P5000 in hand, i have to be really smart to determine the most urgent immediate need.

a television set for my kids who miss dora and little einstein very much? they learn a lot from bob the builder and stephanie and mickey mouse. and i want them to learn more.

a decent dining table? but i guess eating by the stairs is still very exciting for the kids. as of now.

a bed? i saw how my little baby slept uncomfortably on a puzzle mat i bought for P100 at sm. or maybe, i will buy a pillow instead. that might suffice.

i will buy a nice broom, ive decided. it might bring me to the moon.

3 days before christmas

a contractual officemate thanked me for the gift i left on her table. i gave everyone in the office a gift. not grand though. just a simple cellphone accessory i bought at blue magic. i just want to give, thats all.

i will be a hypocrite not to say that i am not waiting for returns. but i should be mature enough to accept that people have different priorities and perspective. not everyone is feeling the urge to give. especially that the economy is not that ok. or i dont no either.

again, another accounting buddy stationed approximately 30 meters away from my table said her thanks. welcome, i answered back.

whats my point? everyone is saying her thanks. i dont know if they are happy though. i am not.

my husband just left us this morning. he brought his clothes and a few belongings. he brought my addidas black bag (one of the few things i invested) with him.

while my mother and husband are exchanging unpleasant words to each other, i just stood there as if watching a movie on the big screen. i didnt beg my husband not to leave us. i didnt beg my mother either to stop her unreasonable rantings. i said nothing.

after the almost half an hour scene, i had my shower - ready to report for work. our hr assistant advised me not to go on leave (without pay) before the holidays because i will not get paid on that day + that coming holiday. money was all over my mind then.

do i really need the money? maybe, to survive. i have three kids. next year, my eldest will be attending a formal school. no savings for that yet. the milk. the food. the water.

the root of all evil they say is money. my mother and husband had their fight over money. i guess, money is indeed a hot issue.

now, do i need money? of course. but more than anything, i need peace. my husband left us without even asking me if i want to join. but i dont take it against him. he is hurt, i believe. and i could see the victorious smile on my mothers eyes seeing that i didnt left home.

i want peace. i need peace. if only i have the money to live my life away from my husbnad and my mother. if only i have no children with me to worry. all ifs.

the truth is, i am a coward. or i am feeling nothing. or i want peace.

the most immediate plan i have now is to look for a place where i can stay, with my three kids of course and ate emy.